The Down and Dirty about Potty Training

"We are potty training over the holiday break" I hear this every semester. Parents do the research online, read the articles on the latest Pinterest post, plan a potty schedule, create a checklist, then confer with more experienced friends for approval over their parenting decisions. This holiday break we will be potty trained.

It's HAPPENING!

After the holiday break, mom drops off her child at school and says with pride "so we potty trained over the holiday break and we are in big boy pants today. I brought extra clothes just in case, but we didn't have any accidents after the first 2 days, so I think we got it". She walks out of the classroom with a smile on her face and pride in her heart, pats herself on the back for being the potty training master of the universe. As she should.

Later that day...

Mom picks up at the end of the day and sees her child is in different clothes than when she dropped off and finds herself sulking, saying "oh no what happened?" and this is where the hard conversations have to take place.

The teacher grows a questionable smile and explains "Well, little boy had one pee accident but 2 poop accidents. He pooped on the playground while he was running around and we didn't know until we noticed poop pellets falling out of his underwear because they don't contain feces like pull-ups do. He didn't tell us he had pooped or needed to and when we reminded him, he kept telling us no. But then while we were eating lunch he pooped in his underwear again sitting in his chair and didn't say anything until his friends mentioned the smell. So I talked with him to remind him 'poop goes in the toilet, not in your underwear' and he shook his head and said 'no'. So I threw away those underwear because the poop was all over him and his clothes. The rest of his clothes are in his backpack. We will keep trying again tomorrow."

This scenario is real, every school year, with just about every family. Honestly, 9 times out of 10, what happened was a process called the "honeymoon phase". The child did really well over holiday break because they were at home, with one-on-one help, a little tiny portable potty, constant reminders, moms help with clothing, and a chaos free environment. It's a new experience and sometimes the success happens quick especially when mom is so happy and positive. But when they go back to school, they are still in the learning phase of potty training which presents itself to be a challenge for teachers. Especially with poop.

Understand, a preschool classroom has 16 children, with schedules, toys, music, friends, and children in and out of the potty all day long. A big playground has lots of distractions to forget listening to your body and stop playing to go to the bathroom.

Here are some tips for when you know your child is fully potty trained:

• they tell you they need to go potty and poop (parents always forget about the poop) verbally or non-verbally

• they potty and poop in public places for ex., school, Target, Church, Grandmas.

• they are able to hold their potty until they reach their destination

• they try to pull down their pants, put themselves on the big potty

• they are able to potty and poop in the toilet with distractions still going on around them

• they go potty on a real world toilet

Please note that Target, Costco, Church, Grandmas house and the Zoo do not have tiny portable potties to use. Please potty train your child with real world toilets that move, shift, and make noise when flushed so you are setting them up for success, not failure. We need to build independence and confidence, not modify life skills unless there is a disability to modify.

As a teacher we need to ask the hard questions to continue the potty training with success, and especially for boys because their bodies present a different set of training habits. For your son:

• does he sit or stand

• if he sits, do you face him backwards and take off one leg of clothing to straddle the toilet or do you face him forward in a sitting position

• if in a sitting position, can he hold himself down with one hand while holding onto the toilet with his other hand, so he doesn't pee on the floor or himself (this can be traumatizing believe it or not)

• if he stands, does he know where to aim

For boys and girls:

• does he/she poop on the toilet

• can he/she wipe himself or does he/she need help

• does he/she admit to the accident or pretend it didn't happen

• besides constant reminders of needing to go, do they show signs of holding

  
  

What NOT to do to prepare for school:

• don't put your child in clothes they can't remove themselves, like jeans that button/snap or overalls and belts

• don't quit using pull-ups until pooping is successful in public and at home (pellets on a playground exposes everyone to feces)

• don't try to potty train your child before they are ready, they are in control of their body

• don't show extreme happiness when they go potty then frustration or anger when they have accidents, they are 2 or 3 years old and learning

• don't pretend accidents don't happen at home or at grandmas house because we know they can

Every child is different and every child has a setback. Most experience lots of setbacks. But don't get discouraged, because your child is learning. But guess what, you are too. If this is your first time potty training a child, you will not be the potty training master of the universe in the first week of holiday break. Give yourself and your child grace. You will get there, but at the end of the day the whole idea belongs to your child. Let them be the master of the body. Give them praise when it happens and reminders when it doesn't. Let them listen to their bodies and connect the dots. They are the control button for each potty and poop act. Let them become independent, confident, and resilient. You'll thank your self in the end.