Confessions of a Mom

If you know me, you know I have three sons and they are my entire world. I speak of them often as they continue on their journeys in their older 20's and younger 30's, still trying to navigate this thing we call "life". This life can be difficult and as a parent, all I prayed for is that I did right by them when they were little.

I'll admit, when they were teenagers, I had my doubts I did right by them. To this day, I think "wait...they are strong, confident, young adults who still ask me for help even as they have grown up and moved away", and that is the best feeling ever. But when they were teenagers, they didn't ask me for much. In fact, there were somedays I wondered if I had lost them to the social crowd as they searched for friendships, self-awareness and independence.

I often look back at our time when they were little and wonder if they resented me from time to time because I was always that busy mom. While they were growing up in a crazy house of 5, I worked fulltime, taught dance classes on evenings and weekends, and was always in college studying for one degree or another. The boys were active in sports and creating their own dreams. Not once did I miss a game or a race, a school event or a weekend movie. A good book at bedtime or daily hugs before leaving the house. I even volunteered in the PTA at the elementary school they all attended. I wanted to make sure they knew I was always more interested in their development before my own.

But did I?

Fast forward to today, I am still that busy mom. Some call it empty nest syndrome, I call it adult freedom. I work more than fulltime at my child care center that I have owned for over 30 years. This fall I will teach early childhood classes at a local community college to add to my days. I work out, I read, I obsess over music, dance around the house while I'm cleaning and go on daily walks. I enjoy being busy and as a matter of fact, if I get bored I feel insignificant in my accomplishments and then I do dumb, impulsive things, like shop at Home Goods or research colleges to attain my Ph.D. "No Kelli! Stop! You are done!"

Where I am going with all this is that as they have grown and got married, moved out of state, or opened businesses for themselves, they have followed my gift of hard work, my love for reading, my obsession of music, and the enjoyment of walking or hiking.

We all talk about our adventures, the books we read, how hard our week was and the fact we are crazy, busy. We send daily snaps, text and call often. Sometimes it's simply just checking in, and sometimes the conversations are over an hour long.

My confession is, I don't know that I did right by them, but I did something right. And that is a reason to feel accomplished. All of my other accomplishments, are just this thing we call life.